Well, here it is again, the gloom and the sombre all rolled into one, and that this me he now rides the middle of nowhere again, bound for the nothing as yet. You may wonder why am I being so gloomy, morose and all-round morbidly unfunny, right? Take a wild guess, my friends, heheheh!
Anyway, one god-damn year had came and went ever since this band suffered from its many "dark night of the souls", one thing after another and another and yet another, and here I am emerging from it like some lucky earthworm in the aftermath of Armageddon, wondering why am I still alive whereas the world is dead still. Well, I'll leave you all to mull that thought for as long as you want, for I am outta here! Heheheh...
 
Well. here I am again, lost in the sea of stars and other hypocrisy but not too lost to have forgotten that my dreams are still just that--dreams! But for all intent and purpose let me just say that it has been two years since the Coven were stabilized from its never-ending stream of musicians going in and out of it.
But still this much improvement is nothing compared for what I have planned for this band, but hey, since I'm a perfectionist in the land of hypocrites, after a while, it doesn't even matters what you do or don't do--it all remains the same!
But hey, now that I'm approaching the end of my thirtysomething age group, the melancholy and the nostalgia are pretty much the same to me now, nothing old and new feels like they should be anymore.
So all right, I now take my leave because it's almost midnight at the time I'm wiritng this, and tomorrow I have to wake up early to open up my business as usual, with all the usual sweet nothings that accompanies it, oh such rapturous thought indeed, hehehehe!
Well, bye for now. Here's hoping this year HALUN would get to play international for once...
Dark Regards,
Silenced Minstrel of HALUN
 
Ah the sweet, sweet life of a bloodless sigh, treat me to a sight far better than insanity
For this is of me forever so lost, eternally lusting for the warm red fluid, my darkly nourishment
And long have I tasted the hope of tomorrow, for dark were my days from here til forever
Bereft of smiles or even a prayer, a pestilence in the walk of perpetual damnation, magnified!

So now this dark rainy of afternoon of gloom, it since had become my playground of stares
For no more shall I to die after he did touch me cold, to commence this damned walk, this ungodly ordeal
And indeed it all stemmed from whence I did say, to me but this world and the rest now be damned
But now who is damned for my cravings eternal, to die not again but the price I did pay?

Ah so much forlorn from where I did stare, the setting of sun the twilight of nothing
For where are my joy when the sun I did stood, now darkness is all that is left of this me
An effigy of regret enshrouds in flames, but hell will I pay if this blood I don't taste
Too much to remember for the years were the same, to crave one thing but to get another!

Oh tears from my eyes but to me such wasted, for no more will I rue the day my dark pact
Concealed in deceit the horned aswine, for treachery in my part I prayed for longevity
In labored breaths what reason could survive? And so this doomed me now be but the dead
To live for no more but death of days, and since that damned fate this shell I've become...

So now this dark hunger it becomes my cruel master, for no taste of all others could do me so good
And long had I been in light but in dread, for who could have fathomed this living on blood
As if no more human had lived but in me, mere beasts of the shadows in hunger eternal
To roam the dark streets forever in feeding, no more of indulgence for all things normal!

So if you should stumble on ruins of torn churches, or even of burials for kingdoms of old
Don't look for my face for death is my calling, behind each worn tombstones my mark you might sense
Or even if lovers we were from whence I did live, you'd know it so well we could be but harsh enemies
For the life of a vampire we're no longer sane, as now this white kiss will I part on your neck...

THE SIGN OF SHAIRO
KL
2011
 
Today an unprepared trip through town (heck, I've always been the one who prepares everything beforehand--even if its just for a trip around the block to buy my groceries! Heheheh...) has awakened the deepest part of my memory into wakefulness, a fragment of data that I thought was forever lost via time and age.
This may not be so important to me if I was at another place at another time, but this was different, much different! The sights and sounds of the city reminded me of the same experience I had when I first came to the city in the mid 90's, just moment after I've left school for the bigger picture. The time when I've decided to abandon my original obsession with space and stars for a career in extreme music (the mid 90's was the time when metal rules the hearts and minds of young people--including yours truly).
And finally, after enduring so much drama and setbacks for the umpteenth time, I realised then that I was actually staring right at the heart of my metal soul, the most sacred calling of my inner plain of existence that never let me off the hook all these while (and how I'm god-damned thankful because of that)! And it also had dawned upon me that--there and then--that it was never my intention at all to make extreme music for the glitter and glamor of stardom; but rather, in perpetuating the flow of innocence and magic from my most sacred insides, of awe and wonder of amazement in watching others putting onstage their very heart and soul for the world to see and hear, and also, to keep on reverying it all to the world day and night myself!
These were the things I've been searching for ever since I've got my own place to make music, the things that moulded me to become this soldiering songwriter with a heart of steel that I was never proud of becoming but I never really fucking cared because only my music mattered, nothing else! Lost partly from my stupidity in foolishly concentrating on all the stupid things in life, things that no metaller worth his salt (read: self-respecting) would do unless he wants to utterly ruin his musical life for good! And to think that it all were at that time staring at me right in the face; the sensation was like...DAMN!
Where had I been all these while huh?
And yes, now, after endlessly thanking the Above for this miraculous Eid-ul-Fitr present that overshadowed all the others, I'm now in a phase far beyond of "finally putting my foot down firmly on the ground and don't give a fuck anymore about anything that this Life may do to destabilize me from my music and detract me from my destiny!"
No! For I am now in the phase of "I'll do my music the way I wanted to do it, the way I wanted it to happen!"
And for this, to the rest of the world (my band members included)  I would say "accept me for what I'm good at, not for who I am! My life is only for music, and I don't give a fuck about guidelines or the right thing to do or the right way to do it or shit, either my way or fuck off! If you don't think there's anything worth fighting for or struggling for to achieve in your life in HALUN, then I don't force you to stay with me, ever! I won't shed a tear if you all leave!
JUST LET ME BE OR GET OUT OF MY WAY!"
There's no turning back now. I will go back to writing music, and may God takes care of the rest (including in turning my music into money for my livelihood). And if God really had destined me to die in poverty but never leave my music be, then all I can say is ANOTHER DEAD METALHEAD WILL NOT A SOURCE OF MOURNING MAKE! This I swear on my father's grave (even though his final words to me were to contact my "filthy" rich uncle to give me a winning lottery ticket, oh what a very thoughtful creature my father was, heh). Period.
 
Oh well, here's that time of the year again! The time when the entire hypocritical kinsmen of mine are preparing for an auspicious month called Ramadhan, a month for so-called cleansing from evilness and the embracing of purity, heh! It's an all too ordinary story from where I'm at, for that's when all those HPs (hypocrite, abbreviated) will come to the mosque all teary-eyed and penitent, swearing profusely to an invisible God to be good and pure for the rest of the year, and then, after that month ends, they'll go back to what they were doing before Ramadhan as if that sacred month has no effect of them at all! Now if the Moslems themselves cannot portray the goodness and purity well-deserved for being followers of the aforemention deity then who would? It's not like those fucking christian cockroaches have stopped waging their "War-On-All-Fronts" against us and would voluntarily preached Allah's religion to the world for us? And what about those blaspemous jews--those so-called "Rats in the Granary of Spirituality"? Would they be so kind as to project a positive image of Islam free of charge? I doubt it!
But hey, don't take me wrong! I'm not here to be preachy of my own solid religion to you all, heavens no! I'm just cursing all those brethren of mine for being so stupid as to have been born a Moslem, that's all! As to for whatever the abominations that they've been doing--and had done-- all within their short lifespan, that's all the more reason why they shouldn't call themselves Moslems!
And what's more, they've segmented themselves into 73 Sects, all tailor-made to satisfy their every whims and fancies (which is much more worse that what the christian cockroaches did to their own faith  centuries back) and delusions of salvation that would make even our beloved, ever-forgiving Prophet and Saint Muhammad rolling furiously in his grave!
Well, I better stop now before I'll be saying things that I'm going to regret saying it in the future. All I can say is, "God would never look into your affairs, if you couldn't even admit of your own foolish ways and continue to live as if you're guaranteed salvation in the afterlife--the same delusion suffered by those christian cockroaches as they crucify their so-called "Biological Deity, Jr"!
Heheheh...
 
WARNING: What you're about to read down below is a product of spiritual intervention, brought about by my attempt at Automatic Writing (please refer to Wikipedia if you don't what the heck that is...) in the year 1995 as I was in my college library with nothing much to do, heheheh!

THE NEWBORN STAR
I rose to the milieu of emptiness
That the thought had brought me
But then again the value of it can never outshines
The power of the feelings
For it is our destiny to become one with the heavens
And so in the darkness of this silent void, I pray to you
To give me another strike towards this sang-froid
So that I could thank you again and again
So help me God…

SO LET IT BE, AND LET IT BE
I pray with the seeds borne by the winds
I jumped and sang the arrival of the comets
For the stars have shone through the thick velvet of the daylight sky
Watching the rain soaking the woods…

And our tears are now a fanfare of joy
For the sun had danced on our very own feet
Before saying hello to the moon
And the Checkerboard of Fate

And a dream of one is now a victory for all
So let it be, and let it be

THE LOST SONG OF ORPHEUS
To the earth of the moods
From the sky full of emotions
To the moon of sorrow
And the sun of happiness

And the thoughts of the many
Ousted they were by the fantasies of the few
As the Sacred Tancho of the East
Looks heavily towards the stormy sky

And the morning dust shall settle on the frieze
As Time slowly move away from its weary gaze
While the sleeping child, his heart full of reluctance
Prepares himself for his first day in school

So the trees of joy sprout again
As the meteor shower of sadness subsided
And the human dreamer, his teaching counterpart
And his blue-collared counterpart, slowly realised                                                                                                                   
That their quest, is almost, over…                      
                                            
 
Well, so what do you think about this "belated" brainchild of mine so far, huh? I'm sorry if I couldn't greet you all in the most preposterous, the most "unoriginally spirited" gesture like most people would do at the onset of their colourful blogging career, but hey, they're not me, and I'm not them!
Okay, so maybe its true that it took me awhile to come up with my band HALUN's own original website to succeed that nearly dead myspace account and the much-hype-but not-much-else facebook account, partly because I've never had that much money to begin with, but partly because I'm too lazy to find out about free websites (such as this one) in the first place, hehehe! 
Well, my most sincerest of thanks to weebly.com for making my dream of owning my own website a reality (usually I didn't give off gratitude that easily, because I know it's a thankless world we're living in)
So now I guess it's safe to say that I'm here in cyberspace for keeps, and that it is my responsibility to ensure that my band HALUN will one day leave this rat-trap of a country (and it's rotting music industry) to finally realize my dream of making a living from my music.
I'm not going to say anything if you don't like my music, because someone once said to me that "There will always be people who loves you, and there will always be people who hates you", meaning that it's a very established, cruel and neverending cycle this thing, but then again, I was always a man of few words to begin with!
I would rather pound vigorously at my keyboards (both typical and musical) that at other people's faces because it's a known fact that you'll never get away with it! Well yeah, its that and I've also had my fair share of bruises and scars as testament to whatever I staunchly believe in, so I speak from experience in this one, and yes, I'm always serious, even when I'm telling jokes!
And speaking from experience, I've had a long standing love-hate-love relationship with the world of music, probably trace-able back to listening to my first band (let's just say, they're Swedish and they're quite popular in the 70's) right up until now. Yeah, and also that I've started playing the keyboard long before switching to guitars but quite frankly, I've never had the inkling of what kinds of music should I stick on to, which ultimately made me an extremist when it comes to music, from bands of both side of the "softest to hardest" scale, the harder the better!
Heheh, I remembered saying to myself once that even if I've never chosen to listen to metal music in the first place, I would eventually arrrived to that music sooner or later! Well yeah, all these while I've came about at every stages of my life via instincts and whims, never too fond of thinking my way through this world anyway, preferring to follow my heart instead.
Okay, so I think I better stop now before my words become a caustic merry-go-round again, for I really, really, REALLY have no idea what I'm supposed to write at the moment, heheheh!
So I guess this is it for now. Now BUZZ OFF!
 
SONG OF THE ETHEREAL FRIENDS
We were alone, young and curious
When fate brought us to this untouched place
Bringing with us our joy and laughter
That slowly changed the colour of the sky
The colour of the earth
And the colour of our lives, our very lives

Those were the days when we knew no boundaries
For life in this garden was strictly for fun
Where tears and hatred had no place to be
As we sang and played on the fields of hope
While forging our hearts onto the crystal tower
That floats on the sky of every new dawn…

But the tower had long since disintegrated
And the fields of hope had wasted away
For as time went by we’re scattered like pollens
Reducing this friendship to wilted memories
With some had gone to carve their own lives
And some had gone, never to return…

So here on the ruins of yesterday
I sadly watched the last of my kind
Becoming a glittering, glimmering, king for a day
All happy and smiling, holding hands
Looking at each other with feelings of love
Sitting on the throne of a thousand roses…

I then realised, that I am now alone
As I resumed my life of a silent traveller
With nothing before and nothing behind me
And nothing but memories to keep me company…

But I’ll keep on going no matter what happens
Even if I am the last of my kind
And so on the eve of this coming New Year
I cast my wishes on the Well of Time

For a future that’s bright and glorious to us all,
And a life that’s kind and beautiful to the last
As I walk away into the dawn
For we are still, and will always be
Ethereal friends…     

SAIFUL NIZAM SHUKOR
MUAR, JOHOR,
MALAYSIA
2003